first half of my 2009
It has been a long while since I have written a blog entry...sorry... Well, here is a long entry. It is the first part of the ongoing saga of my year in 2009 (which has not been edited). I will post more, and perhaps revamp some of the "Goat Incident" later in the fall. Happy, happy everyone...
Prequel
Sometime in the spring I received an e-mail requesting that all Vega Ambassadors were to write a blog during some point within the summer. I spoke with Kelly (my Rep. J) about it at some point in the mid-summer. I had written her a quick e-mail saying that I was all messed up, and that I would get back to her when I could. It was during a time when I had what I guess I’ll call an accident, and was going through some of the worst pain I had been through in many years. When I finally spoke with Kelly on the phone she was pretty blown away with what had happened to me, and especially the attitude I was taking with it all. I told her I would write about it, and that I did have a few notes written down, but that I was still waaaay too sore to sit and hammer away at a computer, so she told me to take the time I needed to heal up and write what I could when I could. Well, I have been casually working on this all summer, and in my typical fashion it has gotten way too long for a single blog post, so I have broken it down into segments. They will take you through a somewhat intense year of physical and mental pain and challenges, as well as the way I have endured and transcended through it all, and the grand epiphany I had which is leading me on an epic journey…one that has never been tried and that everyone says I am crazy for even thinking about (Kelly even tried to coax me into saying I was crazy on the phone. J). I hope you like what I have written. It will continue on through the winter as my training deepens, and my journey nears. What I write should be pretty unique, if for nothing more than my training itself, and unlike anything you have seen.
The Beginning of My Year
This past winter was the first time I had skied in 17 years. I worked at our ski hill (Whitewater) this past winter. I had a great time as there were so many great people working there from all over the world. By about February I basically moved in to the hill. I skied during the day, and worked through the night. For the last month I worked every day except one as my counterpart had left the job. I was givin’ ‘er on about an average of 2 hours of sleep a day (I would just take a short siesta here and there in the first aid room). I wouldn’t leave the hill for upwards of 3-4 days at a time (I kept a toothbrush with me, a bag of dog food for my doggie <she was a lodge dog>, and ate food from the kitchen.). People were absolutely amazed at how hard I could go all the time without sleep, and keep laughin’ and gigglin’. J I always insisted to them that whatever I was doing there was nothing compared to most of what I do in my life, and the things I have had to endure…
The hill ended up giving me the employee of the year, and gave me a sweet brand new pair of skis and bindings. It was pretty overwhelming for me as I felt that all I really did was hang out, ski, have fun, and wipe down the odd table, and they gave me an award for it. J It is the second time in 3 years I have been given employee of the year (I received the same award from the spa I work at…which feels like another scam as all I feel that I do there is hang out with a bunch of cute, kind girls, and play in a 96-98 degree pool. J La la laaaaa… J). Between those awards, the ones I keep getting for the triathlons I do, and other various kinds of honours I have been given, it really seems I can’t stop getting awards from being given to me for what I feel as just hanging out, having fun, and doing what I want…It’s a pretty sweet gig when you look at it like that, but it all overwhelms me quite a lot.
Spring Recovery
I had had a real long previous year full of lots of heavy personal things. (Tough to explain, but one aspect was that from sometime in February to the beginning of April I had lost 5 people in my life. The crazy thing about that is I am not a stranger to things like that as I have lost an average of just over 2 people a year in my life for close to 20 years.) As soon as the ski season was over though I decided I needed some time to finally rest after a long few years of racing hard, working on my International Triathlon for Kids journey, the so-called madness I put myself through at the ski hill and a lot of heavy stuff weighing on my mind. Because of the whole global financial crisis I felt it wasn’t a good time for a global fundraising journey, so I made the decision to delay my trip and just kind of ride this recession out until things picked up somewhat. That provided me with the window of opportunity I needed to stop and recharge a bit. It was something I needed to do, especially considering what I have coming up on my horizon…the 3 years of absolute pounding I am going to put my body through. (Sweet! J)
As soon as I slowed down a bit my body really let me know how run down it really was. You see, for me and my messed up body, momentum is everything. I can’t stop. It hurts too much to be still, so I have to keep moving. I have had to learn how to find rest within movement…a foreign concept for most everyone. When I finally do stop though…that’s a hard one to explain…my body does some pretty crazy and painful things…and this time was no different.
By the start of May I had some things going on in my chest, back, spine, and entire rib-cage. The pain made it real hard for me to breathe, walk, lie down, and sitting was a challenge that took a bit of time to figure for me to figure out how to do efficiently enough to be able to do it for a short amount of time. As I am a seasoned veteran at dealing with excruciating pain J, it wasn’t that big of a deal no matter how bad it hurt. While I was going through that I had thoughts about the previous year when I went and did the Vancouver Marathon. Even though I was beat up then and didn’t have one step of training (I can’t run. I can’t train for it…I only pretend I can on race day. J), I didn’t find it difficult at all to do. Being in the state I was in this May, I would like to say that there is no way I would have been able to do that marathon, but if you put me on the course a different story would be told (except for how much longer it would have taken me.). When I thought about the possibility of doing a marathon in that state I was in this May I definitely would not have been happy about it, but if I found myself in the situation I would have done it anyway.
Just before this little stretch at the beginning of May I had made the decision to only race this year if I felt like it at the last minute…if I could get into the race. The only races I had my sights on was my home race in Nelson, (although I haven’t been sure about what distance), and the two races on back-to-back days on Labour Day weekend (Summerland—Sprint;
This is how my labour day weekend was supposed to look like… go to the wedding on Saturday and give ‘er there deep into the night, then I drive overnight to get from Nelson to Summerland (Stopping in Grand Forks and Oliver to shoot baskets along the way…they both have great courts. J), then, if I’m lucky I’ll get a quick, short siesta in before the race; then after the race I’ll drive to Vancouver (probably take a siesta along the way), do some kid of shopping for some food, go to my hotel in time settle and hit the sack in late evening, then get up around 4:00am to get ready for the race. Just looking at those images in my mind gets me pretty excited. I like the challenge of givin’ ‘er hard.
After a few weeks of dealing with all that stuff in my chest/ribs/back I started easing into working out again. I did lots of push-ups, abs work, and dumbbell work. Even though I needed and enjoyed the rest I immersed myself in this spring I still marveled in the feeling a couple weeks into working out when my muscles started tightening up again. That is one of the best feelings ever. It felt kind of like I was reacquainting myself with one of my oldest, most trusted friends. It was like engulfing myself in my security blanket, and it felt gooooood…
Vega Presentation
On Thursday June 4th Brendan Brazier was going to give a speaking presentation at the Prestige Inn for the Nelson stop on his little lecture/book signing tour of BC and
The presentation had run through my head a lot over those few days up until the event. I knew I would just wing the talk as per usual as I have never gone into some sort of speaking engagement with anything really mapped out. Usually I just start talking until I feel like I start talking in circles, then I ask if anyone has any questions, and go from there. This time was different though. It wasn’t my presentation. I was just tagging along on the boss-man’s talk (giggle, giggle. J). I went a bit early to so I could introduce myself to Brendan, and get a front row seat so whenever I was called up to talk I would be right there.
Brendan is awesome (I’m not saying that ‘cause he’s the boss man… J). He’s just so casual, low key and laid back, and a seemingly real kind guy. When Brendan came in the room I went to say hello. We talked for a few moments before his presentation. He’s awesome. I’m not saying that ‘cause he’s the boss man (giggle, giggle. J), I just liked how much of a casual, laid back and seemingly real kind guy that he was.
It blew my mind listening to what he had to say through his presentation. Even through hearing him talk during his presentation you could tell he was a real low-key kind of guy. The information he packed in his mind through trying to become the best, most efficient Ironman Triathlete he could was beyond impressive. Long before the end of his presentation I felt even better about having Sequel Naturals/Vega as one of my sponsors. I felt even better about being one of their ambassadors. Not only is the stuff amazing for my insides, and has done what nothing else has been able to do for my banged up body, Brendan made me see the difference it can make from a green perspective regarding our global community as well as environment. How sweet is that?! I just sat there listening to what he was saying, and every-so-often the little hamster on the wheel in my head would say, “Come on maaaaan…That stuff can’t be that good…Awwwwesoooome!” Then I would think to myself, “This whole Vega thing just keeps getting better and better…Sweeeeet…He shoots, he scores!” Then I would just sit there in my chair gruuuvin’ out with a smile on my face because these guys want to sponsor me. How good is that?
Anyway, I was glad I didn’t have to get up and speak until the end of Brendan’s presentation. I had a sore stomach from some water I drank the day before, and I also felt a bit kooky after taking a lot of sun off the head that afternoon from playing tennis. (My first time in about 8 years. J Maaaan I ever miss playing tennis. L) Deep into the question/answer part at the end of Brendan’s talk, the rep traveling with him (Mais) got up to introduce me as one of their ambassadors. That’s when it was “game-on” for me.
Although I was aware that I was being a part of the boss-man’s presentation, I wasn’t really nervous about it. I still can’t stand it, and I don’t think I’ll ever like it, but public speaking does seemingly get easier with each time I do it. I think about that less now, and more about keeping focused while I am talking and trying to stick to the point the best I can (I have a very easily wandering mind).
I knew I didn’t have too much time so I tried to be as effective, clear, and as efficient as I could with whatever I said. When Brendan handed me the microphone I got right at it. The first thing I did was say that it was my first time meeting him, and I thanked him for coming, then I launched into my own journey, and what Vega has now meant to that. I first quickly set everything up by saying how messed up my body is, how that all began, and the basics of who I was before all my illness stuff happened when I was still 19 in 1993 (a full-tilt run-jump-play athlete. J). Then I went into my triathlon world, and what has become because of it all because of what I have recognized within it, and where I want to go because of it all. That world led me to Vega at the May 2008 Vancouver Marathon. I then talked about the seemingly impossible changes I went through because of the Vega products after that…which inevitably led to me into my recommendations I strongly feel towards the stuff. Here is the basic layout of that: I am the guy that when something works for everyone, it doesn’t work for me. Since 1993 when I first got nailed with all this illness stuff, I have worked with over 100+ healers of all different kinds (what’s the point of counting after that?), tried so many different things, spent many years of my life and tens of thousands of dollars, and Vega is the only thing that has had not only an immediate effect, but also a lasting one; and I very highly recommend it to everyone… And that was pretty much the end of what I had to say, and I somehow crammed it all into about 5 minutes…a very impressive feat in itself.
The presentation for the evening came to an end when I finished my quick little talk. Mais then got everyone to pose for a photo with Brendan and I. After the photo, Brendan signed some books for some people, and I spoke with many of those who were lingering around.
Before I took off I spoke with Brendan and Mais again. They both seemed pretty impressed by what I had to say. Brendan said I did well with my presentation, and was real happy that his products had such a positive impact for me. Mais told me she was kind of glad that she didn’t really know much about me going into my presentation because it seemed to have a much deeper impact…to the point where she said she was almost brought to tears, and also said that when she looked around the room she saw that I was having a similar impact on many who were in the audience.
Brendan and Mais both told me that they were glad I was a part of the Vega scene, and one of their Ambassadors. Of course I was glad to hear that, but I’m just glad to have finally found something that makes a consistent positive difference within my body…and for that I will never shut up. J It is great though that the founder of it all, Brendan “Boss Man” Brazier, J is happy to have me along with their team; so it seems like it is good for everyone. Al right!
Me and the Boss Man...oops...I mean, Brendan... (giggle, giggle)
After the presentation I went up to Lion’s Park to shoot some baskets in the warm dark of night. That is one of the best ways for me to relax, and is also a great way for my mind to be free to roam wherever it needs to. I had already started reflecting upon that night while I was on the ball court. As days passed I thought more about the same thought…a thought I have had many times. It is the realization that I need to do this kind of stuff more. For many years people constantly tell me that m story needs to be told, and I see the reality of that whenever I get up and do one of my speaking things. The same goes for when I do the triathlons I do. It seems whenever I do a race, or do some kind of speaking engagement, my actions or words change many, many lives. I saw that again in my reflections up my talk during Brendan’s presentation. It makes me think/realize that I am walking the right path when I do those types of things. It is very overwhelming for me (a word I use quite often), but even if I were blind I’d still be able to see the effect it has when people hear about the path meandering through my life…and even though it is an overwhelming concept for me that my life has had such a positive impact on so many, I can’t ignore the kind feeling it creates within. The Vega presentation was just another glimpse into that reality.
The Goat Incident
This might be a bit hard to explain, but I’ll give it a try, but I doubt it will be short. It is the accident kind of thing I was referring to in the prequel I wrote…
On June 30th I went to my friend’s in Blewett (across the river from where I live just outside of Nelson) to water her garden and get her mail while she (Tara) and her kids (Hailey and Sol) were in
Their home is on a short steep hill of a road, so naturally the property lines are much higher on one side than the other. I usually park above the driveway on the highest part of the property, and walk down to the house from there. I got out of my van and let Honey Bear (my doggie) jump out through the driver’s seat door (which was on the high side of the hill). I walked around my van and started down to the house. I had only taken a few steps before I turned around to call Honey Bear so she wouldn’t be snooping around near the road (even though it is a short dead-end road with only a few houses that doesn’t really see traffic, to me a road is a road when thinking of children and animals. Rules for busy streets still apply for desolate, seemingly trafficless streets…safety first.). After I called my dog, I turned around to keep going to the house.
As soon as I turned around I saw a goat running straight for me, and by the time I saw it, it was only 2 or 3 strides from me. I had no time to react other than to say, “Whoa…Goat!” The next thing I knew I had this animal shoving itself into me. It seemed pretty cool in a way, because just like a dog that it happy to see you does, it had a big smile on its face and was wagging its tail like crazy. That triggered this thought, “Whoa…cool!” Even though I thought it was cool to pet this real happy goat, I was still very aware of two things. One was of its horns, and the other was of how things would go when Honey Bear and it saw each other, especially with it pushing itself into me so much.
The horns were my immediate concern as it kept sticking its head into my ribs. It also bent its head down to chew on my right calf a few times. Each time it bent down like that it put me on somewhat of an alert because when it lifted its head back up it did it really quickly, and the horns could really come into play with that. For what it was worth the goat had only a partial left horn. I’m guessing that it had lost it previously, and it was now growing back. At that point in its growth it was still growing along its skull, and hadn’t started curving up towards the sky…with that sharp point on the end. This was important for two different reasons (The second one will be made very evident later in the story).
The first reason is that that the whole time I was up on the hill the goat was standing below me and a bit to my right. When it would shove its head into my ribs it was with the left side of its head, so I was only closely dealing with the flat horn, and the pointed one was on the further side. When it put its head in my ribs, it would sort of twist its head downwards, so even though the left flat horn was in my side, the right horn was right up near my shoulder and neck area. As unsettling as that was, I was just hoping that’s how it wouldn’t be when it and Honey Bear finally saw each other. The last thing I felt I needed was to have my wolf dog and the goat both freak out when a sharp pointed goat’s horn is right near my neck. (By the way, Honey Bear is 50% Wolf, 25% Malamute, and 25% Burmese Mountain Dog…my wolf doggie. J) If that happened, things could go very bad very quickly for anyone, but especially someone with the messed up, hurtin’ body I have.
Honey Bear finally came down from around the other side of the van. By that point I had only walked a few paces down the hill, so I was right there with the goat when Honey Bear found us. (It seems like a lot was going on so far, but things were happening very fast.) As soon as I realized Honey Bear was there I was instantly on a higher alert for the possibility of things going bad. Thankfully they wanted nothing to do with each other, and each paid no mind to the other. I felt that Honey Bear didn’t really see it as too threatening to me as even though I was somewhat cautious with the thing, I was still being friendly, and it seemed to be doing the same…although it was a bit aggressive with its happiness.
After the two animals saw each other, and that seemed to be ok, I scratched the goat’s head a bit more (I kind of held its full right antler with my right hand, and scratched its head with my left hand.). Finally I just had to get on with my day. So I pretty much said that to the goat, “Alright buddy, I gotta go do my stuff now. See yuh later.” After I said that I tried to start walking down the hill to the house. Well, it seemed this goat had other ideas. It wasn’t ready to say good bye. It walked down backwards while I tried to make my way to the house. It felt like it was reluctantly walking backwards as it was leaning heavily into my side. It kept ramming its head into the right side of my ribs. That’s when I started to feel a shift in what was happening, and I was past liking this goat, and just wanted it gone. It persisted to keep doing the same thing though, and I was getting pretty annoyed with it. Like I said, it was still walking backwards because I wouldn’t stop my forward momentum as I didn’t want to just stand there with that thing. If I did that it surely seemed that it would only be a matter of time before something bad happened.
Honey Bear was down near the house before we got there. The little natural walkway from where I parked brings you down to the side of the house by the front door.
(I shouldn’t have to say this by now, but I am going to… One can never forget that not only do I have excruciating pain chaoticly swirling through my entire body every moment of every day, but because of my pain, joints, tendons/ligaments, and the beginnings of fusion in parts of my body my movements are slow, rigid, and very restrictive. Not ideal for wrestling goats. J)
Then, from seemingly out of nowhere, the goat springs up on its hind legs and starts kicking at me with its front legs. That tripped me out instantly. I mean, things hooves were less than a foot from my skull…and that is not an exaggeration. Think about it. if it kept leaning into me ramming it’s head in my ribs, it can’t really get much closer when it just stands up and starts kicking…
As soon as the thing went up and started kicking at me, my dog lost it. It was like a light switch had been flicked in Honey Bear. She went from wanting to play with this thing to instantly wanting to kill it to protect me. There was zero hesitation in my dog, which is awesome and all, but the trouble with that in this moment was that she was on one side of the goat, and I was on the other, obviously with the goat between us. This was not a good situation to be in. Who knew how it would play out? All the goat had to do was just lean or fall forward when it was kicking at me and it would have hammered me in the face or chest with its front hooves. I didn’t like having that picture in my head. It wasn’t there for long though because the goat brought its front hooves back down to the ground, and when it did it lunged right into me, slamming its skull into my ribs (Thank goodness for that whole partial left horn thing.).
When it came down and lunged into me like that Honey Bear went even crazier, which wasn’t helping things, but how could you blame her? All she was doing is what any good dog does for their owner (I got her back and she’s got mine…unquestioned! J). After this thing lunged into me, with Honey Bear going berserk, it went up on its hind legs and started kicking at me. I thought to myself, “This is not good.” (Well, really I was cursing and swearing, but I can’t replicate that here for this blog. J)
When it was up on its hind legs kicking at me the second time, Honey Bear had taken to lunging forwards and backwards at it. In a way this helped me, and in another it absolutely didn’t. You see, when this thing was up on its hind legs the second time, after it kicked at me for a bit, it turned to start kicking at Honey Bear behind/beside it. When it turned to face her I took that as my opportunity to sort of create some space between us, and hopefully enough to be able to get abound back and into the house…then call Honey bear inside.
I started to walk towards the back. I didn’t just B-Line it as I don’t like turning my back on animals, especially aggressive ones. I walked somewhat hurriedly, but I kept some awareness to what was going on by walking normal for a couple strides, then sort of walk sideways for a couple strides while looking back to see what was unfolding between this thing and my dog, and kind of where I stood within it all.
The couple times I looked back I saw Honey Bear lunging for the sides to get around it, but it had too much of a reach for such a thin space of yard, so it could easily cut all the angles off from my dog…which only infuriated her even more. Then, when I was beside the walkway to the deck at the back, and standing right against the bush beside it (Basically as far to one side of the yard as possible, giving the goat as much space as I could if it came that way, possibly running from my dog.) the goat turned and charged full steam. It was about 20 metres from me when it started its charge. Luckily (I guess. J) I had turned to see how things were right as this happened, because even though it all happened in seconds, I at least saw it coming somewhat.
When I saw it charge I had no time to really do anything. All I could do was try to press into the bush a bit more to give it the most room possible to go around me. As soon as the goat turned and charged at me, Honey Bear instantly took off after it. If it wasn’t enough that the thing was kicking at me, which made my dog lose it, think of what she thought when she saw this thing charging me. Her attack meter was on high level. With Honey Bear in pursuit, I think that made the goat go even faster.
It was one of those times when it all happened super, super fast, but at the same time I kind of saw everything in slow motion. I saw the goat’s full charge, but I couldn’t really do anything about it from where I was, and because of my restrictive movements.
The goat had no intention on going around me…it went straight for me. Just before it got to me it lowered its head. When it did that the words, “Ooooh maaaaan…This is gonna hurt!” went through my mind. When it made contact with me it lifted its head, picked me up and threw me as it was still charging. I might as well have been made of foam because it ran through me like I wasn’t even there. It didn’t even stumble one little bit.
I went completely horizontal, and was around my shoulder height (maybe 4 feet off the ground). I was also at the top of a little hill where it hit me, which didn’t help either as that just gave me a little more room to fly through the air. Not only did I get tossed up in the air, but because of its velocity I also got pushed forward through the air several feet as well. I came down on real, real hard packed dirt with a good sized rock sticking out of the ground very pronounced.
The goat hit me on my left side as left is the way I instinctively turn around because I don’t move too well to my right. The best I could figure is that it hit me somewhere from my left kidney to the upper left side of my leg. I came down on the rock on my ribs. Because she was in such hot pursuit, Honey Bear almost clipped me when I was in the air. Obviously she was trying to go around me, but because of how hard I was hit, how much I traveled through the air because of it, and how close behind the goat she was, me almost getting clipped by her wasn’t a completely avoidable thing.
From getting hit, through to landing on the ground all happened in a matter of a split second. I didn’t really take the time to feel specifically where I was hurt right away, I just instantly knew I was done for; but I wasn’t focused on myself right away. The only thing on my mind was calling off my dog before she got into the goat’s yard next door, and out of sight beyond the fence…who knows what could have happened then.
So, as soon as I went down, I tried to pick myself up, and get out some words between my gasps for air through the searing pain I was in. I got it together enough to call Honey Bear. The first time I could barely make a sound with my voice as the pain was too bad, but I dug in enough to raise my voice to get her attention the second time. I did that right as she was coming to the fence. Honey Bear, being such a good dog that she is, stopped her charge instantly, and at that point the goat was on the other side of the fence and in its yard.
As soon as I saw that Honey Bear stopped chasing the thing it really sank in how messed up I was. I was gasping for air and I couldn’t stand up straight. I could barely move one le in front of the other, and my head was all messed up. I saw some blood running down my left arm. I couldn’t really inspect it though because I couldn’t move my head nor could I really lift my arm to look at it. The cuts were on my elbow though, and the bleeding wasn’t able to really persist as the cut was clogged up and full of dirt. I didn’t even consider trying to clean it up because there was no way I could. I just couldn’t move enough to even think about that.
I didn’t have to go in the house, as there was no mail, and I only needed to water
(All my furniture at my home is custom to me…finely researched specifically for the needs of my body, and I’m not even comfortable there, so finding comfort at other people’s homes is next to impossible on the best of days. If you ask anyone who knows me they will all say the same thing…that I am a stander. I stand probably at least 75% of the time I visit anyone. The only time I really choose to sit is when I start hurting too much from standing, as standing still is real painful for me as well.)
I was soooo messed up when I left, but I still managed to water her flowers, even though it was a real, real tough one for me to do…which says a lot ‘cause all I had to do was squeeze the trigger on the hose gun thing. Make no mistake, it took all my strength and concentration to do, but I got it done.
It was another deep challenge for me to get into my van. If it was a car I probably wouldn’t have been able to get into it as a van (and trucks) sit up higher than cars do, which make it real hard for me to have to sort of crouch down to get into. It’s simple things like that that nobody ever really thinks about, but that are always a challenge to me…the simple act of getting in and out of a car.
Much more to come soon...
Steve